Summer is slipping into fall.
The temperatures have dropped and signs are everywhere. Leaves are browning, the garden is overgrown and all the pumpkin things are everywhere. Summer is my favorite season, but I’m still generally a fan of fall. Fall has visual appeal and just feels like a cozy time of year. Plus, it’s my birthday season and I’m all in for celebrations with cake.
But this year I am also fighting some ambivalence.
It’s hard to maintain enthusiasm during this year that just continues to throw up challenge upon challenge. The seasons are changing as expected but all our other rhythms have been thrown to the wind. As I’ve said before, I welcome the slower pace that the pandemic has brought. I am more peaceful and more productive. But recently every day of 2020 seems to bring another major upset; wildfires, hurricanes, police brutality, the death of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, the death of 200,000 US citizens, the overt lack of leadership in our government, and general threats to the truth and human decency.
For me, ambivalence is a dangerous mindset.
If I don’t care enough one way or another, if I feel as if nothing I do really matters, I will sink into inaction. Sinking into inaction will lead into anxiety and negativity. Negativity will lead to fatigue and depression. These are familiar destinations that I would rather not visit again.
To help myself back away from the edge, I’m getting back to the basics that I know support my mental health.
I’ve added journaling back to my morning writing routine. Every morning I write 2 pages in stream of consciousness fashion and drink a big glass of water. This clarifies my thoughts and feelings and I start the day hydrated. In October, I plan to take a couple of weeks off work. We have a small birthday camping trip on the agenda but mostly I plan to clean and organize my house and yard. I know that taking the time to make sure my spaces nourish me will give me some much needed support to fight back the ambivalence.
How are you feeling about summer slipping into fall? Are you relishing or dreading the transition? Or like me, are you somewhere in between?